Shall We Dance?

We are both torn on the idea of "special" dances at the wedding. We have both been to many a wedding where the guests sit quietly, politely, growing hungrier by the minute, while various relations of the bride and groom swap dances, awkwardly swaying flatfooted to all five and half minutes of "Butterfly Kisses". Needless to say we are against it.

We will dance with our mothers and we will dance with each other. That's it. And now, I'm even having second thoughts about the latter. I always thought of it as unavoidable. But this week brought some news that should give any would-be spouse cause for alarm. While the chance that our rhythm-less attempts at harmonious coupling on the dance floor will embarrass us remains the same, the chance that one of us will keel over mid-two-step has become infinitely* greater! That's right. In Florida, a bride died in the middle of her first dance!

Granted she had a heart condition brought about by childhood diabetes, and I'm pretty sure that my non-alcoholic steatohepatitis carries no acute threat of fatality. However, as if I didn't have enough to think about planning this thing, now I have to worry about Ira Gershwin killing me with a thirty-two bar song structure....


* In order to determine the -fold increase in a phenomenon, one simply takes the current number of instances of the occurrence and divides by the previous number of instances. In this case, there were previously zero (0) reported deaths during wedding first-dances; now there is at least one (1) reported death. And everyone knows that any number divided by zero is infinity!