Tuesday, March 25, 2008

I Will Never Mock Vegans Again

Well, I probably will. Especially those holier-than-thou, beef-is-destroying-the-planet* pinko-commie hippy vegans with dreds and foofy skirts (I'm talking about you, Whole Foods guy; no matter what ethnic sounding Indian name you give it, it's still a skirt!). And who can blame me, really? They can be so condescendingly annoying, particularly when they try to stop me from eating fois gras. As the superior species, it is entirely appropriate to force feed fowl so their insides get all fatty and delicious.

But I digress. The reason that I have decided that vegans need a little more respect from me is that since Emerson and I gave up our stupid "cleanse" idea and substituted it with our "veganism 'til Easter" idea, I have inadvertently lost 15 pounds. Yes, you read that correctly. Fifteen pounds. In about a month. Take that South Beach!

It felt very good to put on my suit for the first time in several months and have it be too big. So we have now substituted our "veganism 'til Easter" idea with the "veganism 'til the Wedding" idea. After which, of course, we will gorge ourselves on pork and oysters and feel icky until Christmas. But dammit I will get my BMI down below my waist size if I have to take every locally grown organic vegetable in the Triangle with me!

*Actually, beef is destroying the planet. It takes 15,500 liters of water to make 1 kilogram of beef. But it's so tasty, I try not to think about that too much. I don't want to hurt my head.

Emerson adds: After three days of "Paschal Feasting" on every form of meat, starch, and booze I can lay my hands on, I feel like a piece of grade-B corn-fed beef dragged through a toxic slurry of hormones and antibiotics. I personally cannot wait to get back on the righteous path of vegan living!

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